Many autistic people are said to struggle with engaging in ‘appropriate play’. Often, autistic people are told they are being ‘rigid’ and not playing correctly.

I much preferred playing alone when I was younger. When playing with toys and dolls, I would have a running internal monologue describing what the toys were doing, how they were feeling, etc. But my thoughts run so much faster than my mouth, so it was easier and more enjoyable to keep the monologue internal. I read books and saw TV shows that had children speaking to their toys, or verbally describing what they were doing. This just seemed odd to me. It slowed down the play, and often meant I ‘made mistakes’ (for example, creating incongruities in the story).

But I tried speaking aloud, and it just felt… wrong. Playing with other children meant I would have to speak aloud constantly, or they wouldn’t know what was going on. This quickly turned play (something that should be fun) into a social event (a tiring chore for me).

The other children would also not be able to see inside my head, so they couldn’t see how I had planned out the story/game. They would do the wrong thing and mess it up, which was upsetting because I no longer knew what was supposed to happen next. For me, this would be like if I had written a story, and was reading it out to someone, and they kept interrupting and scribbling over my work, completely changing and ruining the plot so it no longer made sense.

So this made play tiring, and turned it into a social event. From a psychological perspective, I can see that play is important for a child’s development of social skills and communication, but as a child you can’t see this. As a child, all I knew was that when I socialised with others, I would make mistakes and be rejected, but when I played with them they would make mistakes and reject me when I got upset. It seemed like all social play was a lose-lose. If you’re already stressed out from school and socialising, why would you want to continue this when you are supposed to be having fun?

Other children were so unpredictable. And the reasons I was supposed to play with them were illogical. The other kids found me annoying, and the majority of them bullied me. Why would I enjoy playing with them? Why would I trust them with my toys?

Sharing is based upon trust. It’s based upon the trust that the other person won’t keep your toy, that they won’t break it, that they won’t tease you with it. I am fairly paranoid about keeping my toys in good condition, but other kids didn’t seem to care at all. I keep my Switch clean of dust, clean my 3DS, and don’t rip up my toys. Other kids weren’t so careful.

So why is it so ‘inappropriate’ or ‘strange’ to not trust these kids, who bullied me all day, with my toys, when they couldn’t even care for their own?

Playing with others requires masking, and it requires lots of energy and concentration. Play is supposed to be fun, not tiring. Everyone tells you, as a child, that play is supposed to be fun and enjoyable, but then they try to force you to play in a way that tires you out and overwhelms you.

It’s illogical, from the child’s perspective.

It’s still illogical from my perspective as an adult.

[Side note: when I had good friends it was much easier to play and share due to the increased trust]